Exclusive: Doggy in do, do over competition crises
It’s the court case of the century – Doggy versus Mollie.
And us moggies have been glued to every second of the enthralling affair.
Following a short training course from Dad, who tells us he is a bone-fido (or was that bona-fide?) journalist, we are now ready to tell the true story behind the harrowing case.
After a crash course in phone hacking, quote manipulation and rifling through cat litter for clues we have come up with an exclusive that will have the world’s leading newspapers calling.
We already have offers for our story from The New Yap Times, The Grrrrdian, The (Alsat)Sun, The Daily Meow and The Scratching Post, but we wanted to share our splash with you first…
Doggy in do, do over competition crises
Exclusive by Archie, Henry and Oscar
A dog who was knighted by President Obama is a compulsive competition addict currently under investigation by Dog Competition Anonymous.
This mews-paper can reveal that Sir Doggy has been hiding an addiction to word puzzles and quizzes that dates back to his puppy days.
Close furrfriends also told our reporters that he has a strange liking for sniffing people’s crotches.
The sordid details emerged during the high profile Paw Token case in which Doggy took former pal Mollie to court.
The highly controversial trial, presided over by Judge Samuel Kimmell, came to pass after competition junkie Sir Doggy pressed charges against Mollie over ‘Naughty Monday-gate‘.
The quiz buff insisted he should be granted a fourth token in a competition ran by Mollie after the defendant blogged to say she would be giving out free tokens to all readers who hadn’t got one yet.
This morning Judge Kimmell concluded the trial by taking up a plea bargain arranged by Mediator, Long Life Cats and Dogs, which meant Mollie would give an extra Paw Token to all competitors – including Doggy – while the errant knight was given a probationary sentence and ordered not to unlawfully obtain any further tokens.
The decision came despite a flood of backers for under-fire Mollie.
But insiders have told this mews-paper that the verdict was made in a desperate attempt to save Doggy from spiralling further out of control.
One furrfriend of the troubled Sir said: “Doggy has a real problem. He just can’t help himself.
“It started with creating Suduko puzzles out of the ingredients lists on the back of dog food tins and before long he was entering every competition going.
“He has taken out a second mortgage on his kennel to cover his costs and there are rumours he has even tried to pawn his knighthood to make ends meet.”
A mobile phone message hacked into by this mews-paper contained the telling phrase: “Woof! Woof! Bark, bark! Three across, bark!”
It is believed to have come from Sir Doggy’s competition dealer.
A spokesdog for Dog Competition Anonymous, which acts as watchdog for the canine competition commission, confirmed they are investigating the matter.
A spokesman for the court said: “The facts of your story are largely untrue.”
Posted on 07/09/2012, in Uncategorized and tagged Court case Doggie vs Mollie, Judge Samuel Kimmell, Long Life Cats and Dogs, Mollie, Paw Tokens, President Obama, Sir Doggy. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.